


Deformation

by lightupon (honeybeen)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, BDSM, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, M/M, Mpreg, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:32:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5177057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeybeen/pseuds/lightupon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape longs for someone out of his hand. He'll do anything to get to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Severus! come, hurry or we're gonna be late for train!"

Lily's joyful singing voice ringed overlapping the bustle of crowded train station. Severus hesitated only a moment, to look back briefly at his mother standing alone among busying passers-by. Clammy hair just like her son making a tight bun on top of her head, she tried for an encouraging smile but failed nonetheless. Severus wanted to get back to her, hug his mother tight and tell her nothing would change, nobody could hurt her anymore. But that was not true. He dragged his foot toward Lily's bouncing form, never glancing back again.

Soon Lily shuffled beside him, and tugged at his hem of shirts meaningfully. 

"Sev-"  
"Please, don't. Lily."

Her worried face now only annoyed Severus's nervous mental state. He technically disposed of his mother to enroll on this school of wizardly and witchcraft. Of course she would suffer even more than before as there would be no Severus to alleviate her afflictions, both physically and psychologically. His role as a living punching bag was now passed on to his mother, and Severus couldn't be sure whether she would be able to live it through until he return. To be honest he was not sure himself whether he wanted it all to be ended by his mother's inevitable death rather than his own. That was one malicious and obnoxious thought, he knew it but couldn't help keep thinking about that particular scenario over and over again. 

They boarded the train without further discussion and walked down the narrow passage in silence. 

"Severus?"  
"I'm listening."  
"No you're not. Severus look at me, please."

He was about to open one of the compartments to see if it was empty. He sighed and reluctantly turned his body around to face his friend. She was smiling and made it ever broader as his eyes met hers. 

"You should smile more than that, Severus. Just like me."  
"Just like you?"  
"Yeap!"

Severus imagined himself stretching both sides of his mouth upward like Lily and cracked a rasping sound of laughter. That raised Lily's part of same reaction and the door of compartment he was holding on to suddenly burst open.

"What's so funny here? Care to share with me you two?"

It was a boy who seemed to be their same age. The boy was grinning lopsidedly like a maniac and Severus wondered if it was some kind of brain injury or bodily defects that made him look like that. His hazel eyes had a touch of laziness and subtle indifference though his other facial muscles said differently. Severus felt sudden anger against this intruder's nerve. He tilted his head on one side condescendingly and sneered, while Lily launched forward to shake hands with that stranger.

"Hi, Hogwarts' first year too? I'm Lily! Lily Evans."  
"It's my pleasure to meet you, Lily."

At the moment he introduced himself as 'James Potter', Severus instantly knew it was not a good idea to go in and sit with his friends. Not because of his last name, which he read about once from one of his mother's old book, but his sickening demeanor toward his only friend. He was too friendly and already playing host in upper hand though he only got to this compartment earlier than them and had no exclusive right of ownership regarding the area. 

There were three other students occupying all the seats on one side of the wall. So Lily and Severus went to seat on the other side, but Potter smoothly got on the middle. With his back turned on Severus, he kept chatting Lily up and she smiled or laughed aloud a few time within mere 5 minutes. Severus suddenly felt very tired. He attempted to fix his eyes squarely onto the other side of the blank wall but then caught the other boy's eyes sitting opposite. He hair was between the tone of light ash blond and wheat straw, eyes had a bit more darker color but calm and somewhat demure. He smiled just like the way Lily would definitely approve of, though he looked vaguely fatigued. Severus nodded slightly, trying to muscle up his facial tendons and pretend his best smile for his first impression. Then another boy sitting on his right side bent his body forward to examine Severus curiously, letting of of the smaller he was playing with.

"So you are Severes Snape, muggleborn I bet?"

Severus shrugged and said nothing. The boy's mischievous dark eyes and smooth yet messy black hair made him uncomfortable, though he couldn't fathom the reason why he felt that way. He was certainly the most beautiful person he had met by that time, and not in a gracious delicate way but charming and charismatic. His eyes lingered more than usual on Sirius Black, but he was already talking animatedly with two other boys on his side.

No surprise, of course everyone tends to prefer anything to dealing with Severus Snape. He lowered his eyes onto his laps and silently pulled out his school books from his worn-out baggage.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait. Snape!"

Flat terse voice called out his name repeatedly. Severus kept walking in a loping stride, not willing to encounter anyone under his present conditions. But the following steps also raised their speed to keep up insistently and around the second corner nearly caught him on his side. 

"Hey, can't you hear me calling out your name-"  
"Let go of me!"

Severus warned menacingly and attempted to yank his arm away from the intruder. His captor snorted and pulled him harshly with a strong grip, turning around and hurrying his pace back to the Slytherin dorm accompanying his target. He was in 5th grade, named Evan Rosier if Severus recollected right. He was no match for the burly boy who had four years of schooling ahead of him in physical sense. Severus worried his lips and tightened his hold on the vacant wand holster, drops of perspiration trickling down his palm to make a stagnant pool. 

"Not that I'm capable of such thing. It's Malfoy who's calling you, stupid boy. I wonder what you've done to invoke his anger but whatever. Now you're screwed."

Severus hitched his breath involuntarily. He had done nothing wrong. A bunch of preening dormmates decided to hate him from the moment he stepped inside their allegedly mudblood free zone and as it was the way of the world he had gotten bitten several times, tripped and his stationery demolished mercilessly all in the course of two weeks since the school started. So he bit his glove, concocted a nice lasting revenge and cemented it with a series of wicked practices. He trampled their haughty faces one by one by all means not caring the cowardice or viciousness of his actions. Then someone brought some of upper years into this and from then it was an irrevocable mess. Just before one of them tried to confiscate his wand it blew a huge uncontrolled magic and the last Severus saw the boy was convulsing a lot as if he was exposed to a severe electric shock. He ran.

After that he slipped out of his dormitory leaving behind several fellow students in shock and rushed down the hallway, navigating his way further away from what had happened a moment ago. He skipped all his afternoon classes and holed up in here and there, all the time using his lanky long black hair to hide his swollen face. 

He was no attacker. Not like his father, beating around innocent people like him and his mother. He only retaliated even after two weeks of patience on his part and did his best endeavor to show his good intentions. But Lilys advice was totally useless, his 'smile' clearly just disgusted them more and no one regarded him worthy as their possible friend. 

Severus despised himself for not making it work again even in this entirely new environment and social circles. Before Hogwarts he had only Lily as a close friend but now he was captured by one of his housemates to be escorted like a prisoner. He had a burning feeling around his eye rims and dragged his feet behind, reluctance evident in all his postures. 

Why is it that there's not even a trace of prefects or professors? Where have they gone to patrol around the castle at this late hours if not in the most dark areas nearby the underground dungeon? Severus felt miserable and enraged. Evan tightened his grip on his small shoulder and whispered mockingly.

"Snape, you should grovel to your betters like other mudbloods. At least if you want any half decent life here, What-"

Evan suddenly jerked forward by an unseeable force and started twisting his steps like a rabid jellyfish. Severus didn't allow such an opportunity to pass and darted away from the boy's loosened grip.

"Wait!"

Just around the corner someone pulled him hard sideways and tucked him into an empty classroom, locking the door in a split second. Severus was shocked because defying the evident feeling of touch on his arm there was no one in plain sight. Soon the cursing and swearing from outside died away as it seemed like Evan rushed down the wrong route. Only then a mischievous voice slipped into Severus' highly alert senses.

"Don't be so surprised. It doesn't suit your face, Snape!"

Severus opened his mouth to protest but soon lost his tongue as he found out who was standing right in front of him. It was the boy he kept glancing sideways around everyday in Great Hall and shared classes. The boy he wanted to befriend with on first sight but after the sorting it all had gone down the drain, at least he thought so. 

"B, Black?"

Sirius perched on a nearby working table and gave an easygoing shrug. Something shimmery and light-weighted slipped down his open palm and now he was visible up his ankles. He kicked his foot playfully around the mysterious material and it flied toward Severus. He backed off and barely restrained abrupt shriek. 

"So you remember, good. Lily was devastated that you didn't even recognize her and swore something's happening. James was nagged enough to finally snap and rent me his invisibility cloak, you see?"

So they are already all on the first name bases. And that Potter boy holds possession of an invisibility cloak? Severus wasn't sure for what exact reason he felt the sudden jolt of unreasonable jealousy. He gathered himself and voiced his doubt in a solemn tone. 

"Then why is it that you are the one who came to check on me? Why not Lily?"  
"James didn't bother and insisted Lily shouldn't come down near this area, said it would be dangerous. Actually I sort of volunteered, wanted to ask you something but doesn't matter now."  
"What do you mean?"

Sirius seemed to hesitate before flinging his eyes on him appraisingly. Severus felt uncomfortable and suddenly became self conscious. His face was obviously bruised from the recent fiasco and he didn't want to show the other boy how vulnerable he was. Severus clenched his jaws, now that was just another reason to hate himself. 

"I know how things work in slytherin. Thought Lily might be right as you are a muggleborn and stuff like that makes you a easy prey."

Sirius looked worried and narrowed his eyes when he spot dim marks of bruises down Severus' exposed necklines. 

"Turns out I was right. You shouldn't be sorted into Slytherin damn the stupid hat!"

Severus slowly blinked his eyes in a daze. He didn't know how to act under this situation, no one had ever got this anxious for his sake. Even though Lily used to soothe and comfort him after dire moments she never actively expressed her despise or anger on the imposer of his sufferings. Maybe the reason was because that said imposer was his own father, but no matter what it felt strange to have someone on his side to curse and berate in his stead. 

It felt right. 

"I wish I were in the same house with you."

An irresistible urge compelled him to confess it aloud. Sirius furrowed his eyebrows suggestively and wore a self satisfied smirk on his face. It only made the boy's chiseled appearances shine more brightly and Severus was afraid it may blind his sight. Though it sounded silly to his reasonable side of mind, he didn't care. His face muscles moved on their own and he was saying it again with more evident desire plastered on his pressing tone.

"I wish."


	3. Chapter 3

“Mr.Snape, why is it that you never turn in your assignment on time?"

Severus bit down his lips hard to restrain himself from saying anything. The Transfigurations Professor sighed exasperatedly, as if it bothered her immensely at personal level. Now she was tapping the edge of his table in strict demeanor with the tip of her wand, and Severus briefly thought why it had become her usual way of spending the last few minutes of the class. Those around were already snickering non quietly, and Lily was sitting aside squeezing his hand under the desk in such a reassuring manner. 

He hated it more. 

Before all the murmuring swelled and got out of her hand, she dismissed others and Severus stood, remaining disconnected from the outer noises so clamorous and unnerving, mindlessly giving his nod. His ears were ringing with some strange slow rhythm of swirling waters, and he had to blinked his eyes several times to comprehend all her sayings. 

First, three weeks worth of detention for his repetitive negligence in her class….

Then someone brushed his side treading toward the front door and he shuddered, as if a short static electricity bolted through his joints. At the periphery of his vision he saw James Potter patting Sirius' back and inclining his head closer to whisper something and it made Sirius bark loud laughter and playfully shove him along. He felt like vomiting.

"Mr.Snape."

The professor required his attention sharply in a clipped voice, and Severus barely detached his eyes from them to hear out what she had more to say after five minutes of continuing reprimand. She glanced the way he was staring and pucker up her mouth sternly.

"Mr.Snape, I wonder if there's some reason behind your continuous inattention in my class."

"No, professor."

Severus immediately answered without a second thought. 

Except that all my housemate hate me for I tried to mingle with you griffindor lots since my first year, though it didn't last so long not even a few months. But it was long enough period for them to put a brand on me as an unforgivable traitor and to determine the last of my life in here as painful as possible. Though I have no one to blame but me, as it was of my own volition to choose the wrong side. Wrong ally to count on, actually from the very first the sign was clear. 

Why had he not been able to see it through back then? Lucius Malfoy even attempted to allow him a chance to prove himself again worthy of their company, though the exact means of repentance they required for him was way too much humiliating. And he was too proud to give in yet….

"Then you'd better not forget to attend your detention on every Thursday to Saturday under the supervision of Filch. You're dismissed for now, Mr.Snape." 

"Well noted, professor."

He gave his word monotonously and stepped out of the stifling room. Lily was waiting for him resting against the wall in tranquil silence, calm and imprecise smile on her face. She looked a bit tired evident weariness flickering around her eyes. 

Upon noticing him finally exit the door she put on a much cheerful look and approached him stridingly.

"It wasn't bad, was it?"  
"Just a few weeks of detention with Filch, no need to worry."  
"Oh."

She tried to touch his shoulder in a compassionate manner but Severus jerked her arm loose unintentionally. A look of hurt passed by her expression and he felt the familiar guilt rising up his throat. He tuned around abruptly on his heel to avoid the sight. Severus couldn't look her into eyes, not right now when he was aware of the pathetic words threatening to tear out of his mouth.

"Sev! Wait, Severus!"  
"What, Lily? Do we have anything left to discuss?"  
"Severus, we can't let this keep happening anymore. Is it one of your roommates again? You have to tell someone, if not Professor Mcgonagall maybe Professor Slughorn or-"

He whirled around and transfixed her with steely obstinate eyes.

"You know just as well as I do how Professor Slughorn draws a line between those in his Slug club and not. Maybe if it's you he'd gladly listen and arrange any temporary solution, but for me there's no use."  
"Then I'll go see him myself,"  
"Don't."

Why? Lily's green eyes grew bigger and shouted imploringly. Severus answered himself, not daring to say it aloud. 

Because I'm sick of living off your sympathy. I know that you more than often feel burdened to bother with your unsociable childhood friend, and recently it was decided that I just can't take it anymore. Whenever we're like this I feel like drowning myself in the Black Lake, if only so that no one could remember the disgusting existence Severus Snape henceforth….

Instead he employed a sophistry wearing a worn crooked smile to make her flinch.

"Because you'd never be able to willingly accuse the worst afflicter of my pain."  
"Of course I'd not be like that, Severus!"

Lily nearly shouted aloud and her voice remained for a little while resonating to the four winds. Some of passing student eyed their direction strangely but both of them didn't care. Severus slowly shifted his gaze forward to confront her. His face was also furrowed hard chapped thin lips twitching with irony. He felt fleeting hope wriggling inside his stomach and instantly chastised his foolishness. She will never understand. 

"Really. How does it sound then, let's see, James Potter?"  
"What?"

Lily seemed to be lost for words for a few seconds. Then she staggered behind, face blanched and lips blurring with lack of blood. Severus sensed that it was nearing to the end. One or two more pushes and she'd realize there's no hope and grew away from him for good. He hesitated, not wanting to do it right then in the same place. 

On reflection he was not quite that ready for his imminent loss of his only friend. Not that he had any other choice to indulge in. Lily's breathing was now visibly shaky, her pretty face frowned and flushed with distress. 

"Severus. He's never done anything to you, why are you bringing up my boyfriend in this? Is it that you don't want to deal with me anymore? Are you trying to hurt my feelings so that you can see me out of your sight?"

Severus didn't answer and tried to shrugg nonchalantly. After a short lived silence he slowly opened his mouth to refute her assertive line.

"Though your word is wrong as he truly is the worst afflicter of mine. I can assume how you think of this, that my unpopularity among slytherins have evoked all my misery. True as they made it their favorite hobby to spitefully destroy my assignments on classes or assail me in droves. I can see why it's more probable to you that they are the main culprit who have been screwing me up all this time."

His voice was quivering pathetically. Severus got some time to catch his breath and went on with ardent venom to finish his word. He can't ruin this, he have to convey his true feelings and the truth behind all the forgeries. He had to take off the brazen mask of one James Potter.

"The truth is it's always been him. He manipulated others to refuse my hand and purposefully disrupted all the chances I had with- some students in your house."  
"Severus that's absurd. You can't just accuse someone like that, he rarely comes near you and has never done anything to you, at least not like the way you're suffering from those villains."

"But they laugh. He always encourages him to laugh harder."

Severus muttered with a vacant look on his face. 

I feel like he keeps sending me that arrogant knowing looks whenever something is about to happen. All the mishaps I suffer recur after that sneer as if it's some bad tasted prophecy. Maybe I'm losing my mind but sometimes I'm really sure of it and can't help cursing the day he was born and turned out magical. First him and now he has you too.

Then he was not seeing Lily anymore, the constant drone of swirling water returned and he barely managed to gulp it all down to his stomach. He barely managed to excuse himself.

"I, I have to go."  
"Severus Snape. If you walk out on me right in this instance, I'd never-"  
"So be it."

He cut in impatiently and not even bothering to see her face ran down the corridor to reach the nearest bathroom just in time. As cold biles flowed back his throat to cover the clean ceramics, Severus observed it all and determined he couldn't live like that anymore. He had to make a move before it's all too late to reverse his mistake. He had to make amends with his fellow slytherins to make it less hurt at least in physical sense, no matter the cost.


	4. Chapter 4

'Smile, Severus. Just like me.'  
'I knew it. You shouldn't had been sorted into Slytherin.'  
'Hey Snivellus. Yeah, I'm calling you, isn't it a fairly friendly gesture to give one a nickname I suppose? Whatever. Why do you always keep tagging at our heels? I hate the way you smell, is it from that grease on your hair?'

"Well. Maybe you should first say sorry to your housemates properly, Snape."

Potter's taunting voices were soon shrouded by an equally nasty one which reverberated around the otherwise silent Slytherin common room. It was Avery, his dormmate who sleeps on the right side of Severus' bed, who took a lead to interrogate Severus and then decided on reacquainting him with his inferior rank compared to others. The methods of his preference was not favorable to Severus. There were practically all the Slytherins up fifth year lounging here and there expecting for a big show to be initiated. Bellatrix caught his eyes and seeing through his nervousness and anxiety, smiled on her malicious grin. 

Severus clenched his fists, partly afraid if not his eye sockets may bear all the tension and drop out its occupants. He could do this. He could brought it off and finally have some place to resort to without feeling consistently unrestful and unwillingly vigilant against any of possible assailants. 

"Go for it, Snape!"  
"Stop dragging it on, come on."

He felt abnormally cold. There was no open window down this dungeon to bring in a gust of wind but still he felt a subsiding cold air gripping tight around his ankles like a pair of iron manacles.

"Show us how much you can make out of yourself, Severus."

Severus felt dizzy with his increasing palpitations. He somehow managed to not break down on the spot and started to fumble with his buttons awkwardly. His hands slipped several times with sweat and some of the spectators started casting impatient jeers at him. 

"He doesn't have a gut to do this in him, Avery."  
"Perhaps we'd better make back to our dorms already. This is no fun, he's such a killjoy."  
"All right, don't lose your cools ladies!"

Avery tutted and flicked his wand in a lazy and posh motion, which instantly revealed all of Severus' body under the clothes as they were forcibly taken off of him with a startled squeak, and all the occupants except one held their sides with laughter. Bellatrix nearly screamed and whispered mock wonders to her younger sister who had a slight frown creasing her forehead in detest. It was loud enough for everyone else to catch it without any efforts.

"Oh this is getting so delicious, isn't it Cissy? Who knew that little encouraging on our part could make him do things to such an extent. I'm so anxious to see how far he'd go….“

Severus stood with an air of abstraction for a moment. Then he shook out of his stupor and his face was ablaze with utter mortification as a sudden realization shot him. This might all just lead to his further humiliation in front of them all and only that. What was he thinking? What a self-deluded idiot he had been to bring this ridiculous situation upon himself, to stand in the middle of his common room nearly stark naked as others examined him with that cold mocking attitude as if he were their personal jester.

He hurriedly tried to put on his clothes again but some sixth year stopped it with a nasty jinx.

"We're all waiting for this to hear out what you've got to say after all this time. Go on Snape, and don't you dare try that again unless you want to go out and look for your wand under the Great Lake exactly in that attire, I mean it."

"We should make him do that no matter what, he owe us that much with his impudence, once abandoning his own house and all."

Severus swallowed hard and trained himself to stay calm and ready. After all it was a short-lived humiliation that would last just for a few minutes. They promised once he carried it off no one may bring it over again or taunt him over this particular issue. He wasn't perfectly sure of their honesty and the credibility of it significantly dropped down when they started splitting their sides with laughter from the very first, but there seemed to be no way out of it already. 

He slowly lowered his posture, down to the point his forehead was meeting the cold stone floor and rear side of his body flattened out until his knees were facing his pectoralis. It was a severely uncomfortable post to hold still like that, but he barely managed. Without looking at he could visualize their satisfied smirks and his shoulder shrunk instinctively when someone put their slippery hands onto his backside, stroking it smoothly.

"It's a posture designed for ungrateful slaves back in better days, you see. It suits you pretty well I reckon."  
"Is he free to touch, Avery? What was his condition?"  
"Do it as you please."

Severus strained his eyes in shock and opened his mouth without thinking of his supposed utter obedience until it was all done, rumpling his posture.

"No, what do you-"  
"Silence, you traitorous mudblood!"

A tearing lash cracked on his backside and Severus howled unwittingly, someone cast a body-bound spell on him and now he couldn't move even an inch and had to take it all as the hard lashing kept raining down. It only halted when he was afraid his bottom was splitted in two and the painful howling was replaced by loud wailing and then pitiful sobbing. He couldn't lift his face to look back to find out the identity of the inflictor, even if he was not forced to stay still by the force of the spell some bastard cast on him unnoticeably. He stayed like that feeling numb and terrified not knowing how much time had past. He couldn't think straight after the impactive pain exerted to him by unknown force. He was used to his father's predictable rash of angers taking aim at him, but nothing like this humiliating defeated feeling had engulfed him before.

His father who resolved to kill himself and had to accompany his wife, Severus' only family. The one who gave him flesh and blood, and he had no one left to care for or be cared for. Today he severed his tie with Lily quite gloriously and was humiliated by everyone he came face to face. No, he eyes were downcast all along like a dull lamb and they all looked over his body exposed, making fool of 

Someone approached and lifted up his face to check on his state. Severus didn't dare open his eyes, he rather opted for staying low and waiting till this was all resolved into nothingness. 

"Open your eyes."

'Just in case you haven't noticed yet, please let me be honest with you this once Snivellus. You're an undesirable acquaintance to us all and yes that includes Sirius too.'

"Snape? Are you okay, can you hear me?"

'Merlin why can't you get it yourself? Your presence make us all somewhat awkward, and it's beyond annoying even frustrating these days. You don't belong with us, like hell I want to play a bully in this! Just stay away from us will you? Remember, I'm telling you this also on behalf of Lily and Sirius.'

"Oh my, I'm afraid he snapped and lost his spirit for good-"  
"Whoever you are keep your mouth shut this instance or I'll skin you alive."

Severus finally responded, but his rasping voice lacked any sort of malice to prove the veritableness of his intention. There was no usual venom lying dormant and striking at anyone who tread on his toes. He was exhausted, spent and all hollow in and out. He didn't want to think again, ever. Once his mental block crashed and started working again he might attempt to kill himself out of sheer mortification of what had happened.

"Well that's better now, at least you don't look like a corpse embalmed anymore."

It was Regulas Black, Sirius' younger brother. So he had been on the spot too, if not participated actively at least saw it all happening before his eyes.

With that thought coming across his mind Severus opened his eyes widely and elected himself upright at the same time shoving the slightly smaller boy hard on his chest. 

"If you ever speak of what you today in front of your brother I'll make it my utmost pursuit to hunt you down to viscerate your bowels." 

"Why would I? We don't even talk to each other since when I'm not sure of."

With that remark Regulas stomped back to his dorm, him being next to rest one that had remained now Severus was suddenly all alone, again and wonted.


End file.
